Dilemmas...

Sigh... You know how people get into moods to do things, such as gettinig into the mood to study and so on and so forth... Well, sometimes when I get up in the mornings, I think to myself, do I really want to return to Malaysia? Sure I have friends there and stuff, but I've so enjoyed the environment in NZ that I feel like I never want to leave this place and besides, sometimes I feel like I've got no idea what to do when I get back to Malaysia... Guess you can say that I'm scared of what other people might think of me... Especially old friends and acquaintances I barely know... However, there are a few people I'm just dying to meet, people like Wan Li (best mate in high school), Nick(loved bullying him), Ang (Yes, you too), Grace, Cheri, and a couple more... Being a an introvert, I have always felt uncomfortable in large groups, unless of course I know them all well, then I'll go all out... But my true inner nature is the person residing in me who loves to just stand and watch people as they come and go, going through life, passing me by as if I'm just some nobody... That's who I am and that's all I probably will be... I've never liked drawing attention to myself... Thus, I have this feeling I'll have a rather uncomfortable feeling when I return to Malaysia... A feeling of embarassment when I return... Not to say I don't like Malaysia... I adore it's food but what I like more about NZ is that there is so much more peace compared to the hustle and bustle of the city... It's such a nice place to raise kids and chuck a ball around... And I might end up living here for the rest of my life... Who know's? God has played a big part in my life... And I'm sure there's a reason why I'm here.... The thing is, I want to have a reason to go back to Malaysia at the end of the year, the only reason for now is that I have already got a ticket back... However, I want a better reason than that, so as of now, I'm still struggling to find it...